The job market is no laughing matter…until you decide to make fun of it – then it’s pretty damn funny.
Take the actual job search, for instance. I have had to embark on several major job searches in my lifetime. Most often, I have been fortunate to have a job whilst looking for another, but at least one time, I embarked on a six-month job search that tested my patience and my self worth. And then it hit me. The emotional turmoil that my psyche goes through during the job search are the exact same feelings I have experienced when looking for a girlfriend.
It’s true. Really think about it for a second and if you still dispute my claim, read below and then tell me I’m wrong.
Wandering Eye. After a long-term commitment with one firm, you become bored. Suddenly, other companies become more attractive – those amazing six-figures and their sexy healthcare package. It’s hard not to be seduced, especially with your current employer always claiming they have a headache when you ask for a promotion or a raise. You want to stay committed to your current work relationship, but it’s just not working out and you realize your happiness should come first and foremost.
Temptation Wins Out. You start going out…with other recruiters. Your current bosses are suspicious, asking why you had the equivalent of lip-stick on your collar – dress clothes you haven’t worn in years. You begin hiding the evidence, telling your boss you would be “home” late, or not even coming in at all, as your “cheating” reaches new levels with each meeting. You feel a little guilty, even paranoid, and while you could just quit your job if you’re not happy, you can’t face life being alone…I mean…without work. It’s the sex…um…the paycheck that keeps you tied to your current position, so you can only leave when the time is right.
Rebound. You give your employer the speech. “I love working here. It’s not you. It’s me. I am just looking for something else.” You give them two weeks’ notice (this part will never happen in a relationship…stop dreaming). You have one last really good…moment together, and then you move on. You start the new job and things are great. You come home whistling after an exhilarating day at the office, trying new things and realizing what you have been missing from your previous employer. But then, your new company lets their flaws show – snoring, farting, itching, overworking you, holding you back, saddling you with grunt work. It was a good fling while it lasted – the grass is always greener on the other side, isn’t it?
Single and Ready to Mingle. I’m not going to let one company control me. I’m my own boss. So, you begin freelancing. Sometimes, you work two assignments in the same day; working so late you perform the dreadful walk of shame home at 6 a.m. in the same clothes you wore to work a day earlier. But then you begin to miss the gentle caress of health insurance and you decide to find the warm embrace of commitment once more.
Back on the Market. You get to work making that resume one sexy piece of paper – shaving and clipping things down a bit until it is just right. You buy that professional looking suit and prepare to lie your butt off if that’s what you need to do to land the job. The job search is easy, like going to a bar and looking around, but when you start scanning the right hotties and start making your move; things get a little harder.
Desperation. You give out your number and then wait patiently at home hoping the phone will ring. Taking matters into your own hands, you send out emails, letting companies know you are still interested in them and waiting for an opportunity to take the next step in the process. “I really liked you and am looking forward to advancing to the next step of our relationship.” You know your hot, so you wouldn’t understand why your come-on is a little off-putting.
No Second Date. Occasionally, a company will call you back and tell you they had time for an interview, but there is no attraction on their end. You think, there are plenty of fish in the sea, and so you keep the search going, but after awhile, the rejection gets to you…you’re almost willing to take the ugly job that won’t work hard to satisfy you. You don’t want to get in bed with a company and do all the work with no reward in the end. Where’s your happy ending in that?
Wedded Bliss. So, you keep searching until you find the company you have been looking for. You checked them out and they did a solid up-and-down glance in your direction. It starts off slow with a probationary period, but eventually, you are staying until all hours of the night. You bring work home. You have work with you on the weekends. Before you know it, you are married to your job. This is the one. You talk about the job with your friends and family. Everyone is so happy.
Or not. Another company checks out your profile and wants to connect. Look at the legs on that firm! It starts all over again.