N’Sync Meets No Limit Soldier
Remember when you were a kid and your mom laid out your clothing for school in the morning?
That’s how it was for some time in my household; only the problem was – my mother had the worst fashion sense in the history of all mankind. I make fun of the people who go out wearing the free promotional t-shirt they got for a particular movie, fast food brand, TV show, or other well-known company (wearing a Planet Fitness T-Shirt still counts). But the truth of the matter is this – as a kid – that was me! You know how everyone knows someone with a wolf shirt – yea…that was me, too.
A black wife-beater is still a wife-beater.
So, as I got older, you probably think I did everything in my power to rectify these sins of my past. You would think right, but I did myself so wrong. When it was the age of Nirvana, I had brown, maroon and green pants. And I didn’t even like Nirvana – I just thought it got boring having blue jeans. The fact of the matter is this – a white guy who likes Hip Hop and lives in a mostly Italian neighborhood should never go out and dress themselves. Case in point:
Before Kristy
Exhibit A: I thought I looked cool with frosted tips. Yep! I did. I thought I looked even better having frosted tips while wearing military fatigues. Everyone said I looked good. I say they should have quit playing games with my heart.
You might be shocked to realize that is not real leather.
Exhibit B: I wore this to the beach. Looks good at the beach right? Well, I wasn’t planning on going to the beach that day. That was kind of what I wore. As long as it showed my muscles, that’s all that mattered to me. All I needed was a tribal tattoo, a big chain and Snooki and Project Guido would have been complete.
Exhibit C: The straw that broke the camel’s back. That is a pleather jacket from Steve & Barry’s (only $7.99 fool) and you can’t see it, but I am wearing black Nike basketball sneakers with baby blue soles. What Kristy once saw, when we first started dating, was a pleather Syracuse jacket (also $7.99) and Timberland boots at a time I thought being from the Bronx meant I could dress any damn way I pleased. Something had to change…That something was me.
You mean clothes don’t have to be bought at a Bronx Zoo concession stand…whaaa?!
As someone who works closely with models and fashion stylists where aesthetics is a big part of my job, Kristy decided I was in major need of a fashion makeover. I believe there were subtle hints at first. Comments like, “never ever wear pleather in my presence again,” might have tipped normal people off that a change in style was necessary, but I was just happy not to be wearing a shirt my mother purchased at the Bronx Zoo…so I thought I looked good enough to walk a runway. I was wrong.
After Kristy
Then Kristy started buying me clothes disguised as gifts. “Just try this on,” she would say. “Don’t you feel good in that suit jacket. Oh my God, that would look so good with blue jeans and a white button down shirt.” And suddenly, I had a new suit jacket. Then it was birthday and Christmas gifts. “Before you freak out, try this purple (or aqua marine shirt),” she would say before adding, “Wow, don’t you see that you look great with a little color and don’t always need to wear black?”
No more pleather.
And I have to admit, I looked friggin awesome. I mean, look at some of these pics. No, seriously…I posted them and they are eating up bandwidth, so look at them! Women are drooling (sorry, but I already have a personal shopper) and men are rethinking their own fashion choices. So, with each successful purchase, from the skinny jeans to the H&M dress pants and from the grey and white striped hooded long sleeve shirt to the bright purple sweater (I haven’t worn that yet, but I will), I slowly gave in and let Kristy do my shopping for me.
Sprint ad sexy!
But the moment I really just gave in was when I started receiving compliments at work. The minute people started noticing me for the way I dress, my ego took over and Kristy was on the payroll. I will not go clothes shopping without her. She makes me try on 30 different outfits and I only end up buying two (just like a woman), but it is worth it, because I really like compliments…and mirrors.
I have no problem admitting that I let my fiance dress me. In fact, men should be ashamed that they don’t allow a woman to dress them. Yes, that guy who gained weight and is still wearing the same sized shirts; and that white suit wearing 1986 Miami Vice Don Johnson wannabe – I am talking to you.
In all seriousness, there is nothing wrong with having your fiance dress you. You need to look good for the woman you are with and her opinion should matter the most. If you are dressing for the acknowledgment of others, and ignore your woman’s requests, you should seriously reevaluate your relationship. I just know that for 30 years, my mom and I failed miserably at helping me realize my true potential, but now, I am finally aging in style. And I owe it all to my fiance. Keep the outfits coming.
